The first night is the one people dread and the fourth day is often the one that undoes them. Heavenly Pastures arranges pet cremations for families in Orrell and the surrounding villages, and this page is simply about the week that follows, because a great deal is written about grief in general and almost nothing about the specific texture of the next seven days. On the practical point, we keep no premises in Orrell. There is a single crematorium at Burscough, near Ormskirk.
The Shape of the Week
People expect grief to arrive as one large feeling and to recede steadily. It rarely behaves that way. What actually happens is a series of small ambushes at odd moments, separated by stretches of feeling almost normal, which then produce their own guilt.
The First Night
It is the quiet. Houses with animals in them have a background noise you stop hearing until it stops, and the first night without it is loud in a way that is hard to explain. If you cannot face the empty bed or the empty spot by the fire, move things or sleep somewhere else. Nobody is watching and there are no marks for endurance. A television left on is a perfectly reasonable coping strategy for one night, or for several. People who have got through it describe doing distinctly odd things in that first week and being slightly embarrassed later, which is a good sign rather than a bad one.
The Reflexes That Keep Firing
You will step over a dog who is not there. You will scrape a plate into a bowl that has gone. You will come in and say hello to an empty hall, and hear yourself do it. These reflexes take weeks to fade and each one is a small fresh reminder. They are also, oddly, the thing people later describe with the most affection, because it is evidence of how thoroughly the animal was woven into the day. They stop eventually, and a few people report missing the reminders once they have gone.
Day Three or Four
The first two days are usually taken up with arrangements and phone calls and people being kind. When that stops, and everybody else returns to normal life, is when it tends to land properly. If you have taken time off, this is often the day you had assumed you would be recovering by and are not. That is normal and it is not a sign of anything going wrong. If anything it is the point at which the shock lifts far enough for the loss itself to be felt properly, which is why it hits harder than the day it happened.
Going Back to Work
Most people go back too soon, largely because there is no accepted amount of time and asking feels excessive. If you can take an extra day, take it. If you cannot, expect to be ambushed by something small at your desk, and have a plan for where you will go for ten minutes when it happens.
Eating and Sleeping
Both go for a while. This matters more than people credit, because grief on no sleep and no food is considerably harder to bear than grief alone. You do not need to eat well, only to eat something. If sleep has not settled after a couple of weeks, or you are avoiding people entirely, that is worth mentioning to your doctor rather than waiting it out indefinitely.
The Decision Sitting in the Middle of It
Somewhere in this week there is a practical choice to make. An individual cremation service means your animal is the only one involved throughout, and their ashes are returned to you. A communal cremation service means several animals together, with nothing returned to anybody. Each is handled with the same care by the same people. The costs are on the pet cremation price list so that the question of money can be dealt with quietly rather than in conversation.
When the Ashes Arrive
People brace themselves for this and it usually turns out to be a settling moment rather than a difficult one. They are brought to you in person rather than posted. A number of families say it was the point at which the week finally ended and something else began, though there is no obligation to feel that or to do anything with them straight away.
Small Things That Help
Keep the routine you have left. Walk at the usual time even without a dog. Tell one person properly rather than everybody vaguely. Writing something down helps a surprising number of people. If you would like your animal recorded somewhere permanent, the Remembrance section of this website exists for exactly that.
Collection Around Orrell
Somebody will come to the house whenever you say, or to the practice. Charges follow travel time out from Burscough, laid out on the areas we cover page. You may equally drive over to us, and there is a chapel of rest at this end should you want a few minutes when you arrive. If the loss came suddenly at home, there is practical guidance on the cremation service following natural death page.
Ringing Part-Way Through
Call 01704 776976 at any point in the week, including several days later having decided nothing. Nobody will suggest you should have rung sooner, and there is no point in the week at which it becomes too late to ask something. The contact form is there if you would rather write.