One of the strangest parts of losing an animal is having to tell people, and then having to manage their reaction on top of your own. Heavenly Pastures arranges pet cremations for families throughout Westhoughton and the surrounding towns, and this is the part that catches people out once the practical arrangements are behind them. On location, we keep no premises in Westhoughton. There is one crematorium, at Burscough near Ormskirk, and we come out from there.
The Bit Nobody Prepares You For
Grief for an animal sits in an odd social category. It is real and it is widely acknowledged, and at the same time there is no accepted script for it, so people say the first thing that comes into their heads and it is frequently not the right thing. Very few people are being unkind. Most are simply out of their depth and would rather say something clumsy than nothing at all.
Telling Work
There is no legal entitlement to time off for a pet, and whether you get any depends entirely on your employer. What we would say is that it is generally better to be straightforward than to invent a stomach bug. Most managers respond decently when told plainly, and a fair number have been through it themselves. If you would rather not explain, saying there has been a bereavement in the family is not a lie in any sense that matters. If you work with the public and expect to spend the day being cheerful at strangers, it is worth asking for something different to do rather than pretending you are fine. An afternoon in a back office is easier to arrange than most people assume and considerably better than crying in a stockroom between customers.
The Remarks That Land Badly
You will hear that it was only a dog, that you can always get another, and that at least it was not a person. These are almost always meant kindly by people who are uncomfortable and reaching for something to say. It does not make them any easier to be on the end of. You are allowed to change the subject, and you are allowed to avoid the person who said it for a fortnight. What is rarely worth doing is explaining to them why it was the wrong thing to say, because that conversation almost never goes the way you want it to and costs energy you do not currently have.
Whether to Post About It
Announcing it on social media is a decision people agonise over and there is no wrong answer. It does mean telling everybody at once rather than repeating it thirty times, which is worth a great deal when each repetition costs you something. The drawback is a stream of responses arriving for days, which some find comforting and others find unbearable. If you do post, it is perfectly acceptable to turn off the notifications afterwards and read them when you are ready.
People Who Are Better Than Expected
The other surprise runs the other way. People frequently report that the person who understood best was somebody peripheral, a neighbour or a colleague they barely knew, who simply said the right thing without effort. Dog walkers, vets and groomers tend to be good at this because they see it constantly. Take the sympathy where it is offered rather than where you expected it. It is also worth remembering that the friend who says nothing may simply not have heard, rather than not caring, which is a distinction people get wrong when they are raw.
What Still Needs Deciding
Underneath all the social business there is a practical choice. An individual cremation service means your animal is cremated on their own, so their ashes can come back to you. A communal cremation service means several animals together and nothing returned. Do not let anybody else’s opinion push you toward one of them. Families sometimes report being told firmly by a relative what they ought to do, and it is entirely your decision. Costs for both are on the pet cremation price list.
Somewhere to Say It Properly
If what you actually want is to write something about your animal without it becoming a social occasion, the Remembrance section of this website exists for that. You are warmly welcome to put up a photograph and a memory there, alongside the tributes other families have left, and nobody will comment underneath it.
Children Telling Their Friends
If there are children in the house, they will have to tell people too, and school is not always gentle. It is worth letting a teacher know, and worth telling a child in advance that somebody may say something thoughtless and that it will not be meant unkindly. Rehearsing a short sentence with them helps more than it sounds like it should.
Collection Across Westhoughton
We collect from houses across the town and the surrounding villages, or from your veterinary practice. What it costs follows travel time out from Burscough and the bands appear on the areas we cover page, and bringing your animal over yourself is equally welcome. If the loss came without warning, you may find the cremation service following natural death page useful for those first hours.
Talking to Us Instead
Ring 01704 776976 if it would help to speak to somebody who will not say any of the wrong things. The contact form is there if you have had enough of talking to people today.